I Promise
by Ruthyroo
Summary: Ste's feelings on Brendan. Stendan.


**Just a little one shot about Brendan from Ste's POV. I hope you like it. :)**

**I Promise**

Tony got it wrong on the opening day of The Hutch…my beloved Doug. I felt like screaming NO at the top of my lungs, but what would be the point? Who would listen to the likes of me? I don't blame Tony though; I declared my love to both of you didn't I? I did care about Doug, he gave me stability, made me feel better about myself, but he wasn't you and that was always the problem. For you are my beloved and as long as I'm breathing you always will be.

I'm in love with you just as much now as I was when we were together, I just have to love you in silence now, in the darkness where no one can see. I can lie and pretend to those close by, those who judge me, but I can't lie to myself. You are here with me, deep inside me and even when I move on, even when my body loves another, no one will ever own my heart for you have that. It is yours to keep, even if you no longer want it, I don't have a choice now.

I wonder if you think of me, if when you close your eyes, Is it my face that you see. Do I haunt your dreams the way that you haunt mine? The dreams that feel real, the ones where we are free to love each other, the ones I never want to wake up from. I'm so alone and I don't want to be alone anymore. I want someone to help ease the pain that I feel from living a life without you. I just need to kill some time until you return to me, by my side where you belong.

I will pretend that I'm over you, keep you buried inside me like I have done so many times before. I need to feel the warmth of another body lying next to me, even though no one could compare to you and what we had together. I can kiss them, touch them, even bring them to their knees, but it doesn't mean anything because I know that if you ever return, nothing would keep me from you. No one could stop us from being together and try as they might, they will fail every time, because it's always been me and you hasn't it?

You never write and you've never sent a visiting order, but it's okay because I know you still love me. I know that because love like ours doesn't just fade does it? I might just have to wait for you and that's okay because you're worth the wait. The love you showed me the last few months we were together I know I could never have with anyone else. The only time I will feel love like that again is when you are free to give it to me. Even if I have to wait for the next lifetime I will, happily.

You changed my life and I can't imagine what I would be like if I hadn't of met you. You showed me who I was and the kind of person I wanted to be. Okay so it wasn't all fairy tales, but I wouldn't change it. You showed me a love that I didn't think existed, a love that consumed me, a love that I never wanted to be separated from, a love that I will never give up on. I didn't think I'd last a day without you, but hope of being with you again has kept my heart beating.

We were so happy weren't we? After years of trying we finally made it…I will always remember how happy we were. Dublin…the bridge…I thought that my heart was going to burst that day. The love in your eyes, the way you held me told me everything I needed to know. I replay that scene over and over in my head; you gave me the greatest gift that day, because you gave me yourself. For a while I thought I was dreaming, you gave me everything I needed and more. For the first time in my life I felt complete.

You were stupid for telling me goodbye, because I would've stood by you through it all. I would've supported you, kept you from giving up and been there when you needed me. I understand now why you pushed me away, but that doesn't make it any easier. It should've been my decision to make; I would've chosen to love you every time and I would've made us work, regardless of what you may have thought. I get that you were scared and I understand why, but you shouldn't have turned your back on me…I needed you…I still need you.

You are the one person in the world that I could never let go of, how could I when I love you so much? I wish I could tell you how I feel, you probably wouldn't want to hear it, but it makes no sense to pretend that I don't miss you with all of me. You are my life and my only love and when you eventually come back to me I will show you just how much I love you. My love for you will last eternally, no matter how many times you leave me.

You loved me enough to set me free and be happy, even when you weren't a part of that happiness, but I can't be truly happy without you, can't you see that? I love you enough to wait and no matter how hopeless it seems, I can't ever turn my back on you. You will always be my soul mate in this life and any other life and my love for you will last forever no matter what...I promise.

**Please review xx xx xx**


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